Catharsis

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Her dance continued....

while I watched the marbled floor turn red
"hope" is a sweet poison!
I waited like a frog in boiling water..
to come to terms with the rising temperature

The blows kept getting harsher
Her weapons of choice getting deadlier
Every wound was gushing red
The paintings watched...
as she threatened to exsanguinate me

The dying self respect...
heaved its last cry
Like a dying man's last breath
unable to say its last goodbye..
twitches every muscle for an ounce of strength

I dashed out the door
with no where to go
She had been my caretaker
That room had been my tomb
Outside...I was deserted
An island uninhabited inspite of all its beauty..

And so the fire burned...
with heaving jungles and roaring rivers
The flames kissed my wounds
I knew they would destroy a part of me
But they will also cauterize...

I returned one last time..
Not to watch her dance
she was gone
But only to burn those paintings
and the silken curtains
with their horrified glances

As each painting burnt..
I heard its cry in crackling fire
I felt its pain in its greenish-blue despair
And then its peace as it turned to ash...

Bit by bit....each memory came
and submitted itself to the flames
Each sleepless night gathered around
and was offered its purgation.
I left the smoldering ruins
meandering through the rivers...escaping to  the ocean...
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Confessions of an insomniac

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Exiting from that room with purpled floor and dyed curtains, I began picturing that spotless white marble floor and those angelic silks that draped from the windows when I first entered it. Her enigmatic beauty seemed to radiate from every corner of the room. Every painting on the wall was priceless. None painted by some famous artist but nonetheless had their significance in that house. Paintings someone would die for to adorn their houses with. Paintings which now reeked of horror and violence they had witnessed recently.

I had entered such rooms before and never ever paid any attention to such paintings, flooring and beautiful decorations. Perhaps, I never knew what this experience was until then. And I definitely never felt the way I do now. Living in the awe of this beauty for so long had made me feel possessive about it. I believed that I own it, deserve it in every respect. I had forgotten all my past sins. The sins that forbade me from even being close to such a place. The sins which sublimed in the pure presence of this energy. Well....atleast I thought that they had....

The demons had never left. Nine times they tried and each time I escaped like a cat. They knew I had no more lives left and came for a final blow. Plotting in ways known only to the most devious of species. They led me to my own piece of personal hell. Awed by the beauty I had only felt in dreams. Simplicity, only limited by my imagination. And purity and love radiating and ripping through my body and soul. I walked into my own torture chamber at free will.

She danced around like a ruthless assassin. Stabbing at all the right places, piercing the statue that lay at her mercy. I relished every blow in a masochistic desire for pleasure. Every sin had come to witness this murder. Every sleepless night that had gone by, came to haunt me. Self respect was hacked like limbs from my body. Strength was caving in. The blood-shed I witnessed had left me begging for peace. The violence of every blow, blood oozing from every gaping wound, skin ripped off like clothes from my body. Mercy was a privilege I didn’t deserve coz I never had it for anyone else. I had become accustomed to such blood stained floors from the time when I used to dance like her. Every wailing cry I never heard, now rang in my ears all night. Every pain I ever caused was being returned to me. I begged for the eternal sleep but even that was denied.

Many a times like today, I had decided to exit this tomb. My body is free to move, the doors offering me the escape with arms wide open. Many a times like today, I dragged my incapacitated self across the stained hall and to the door. Many a times like today, I had tried to escape. And every time like today, I had realised that this is where I belong because she is the one who still loves me and would always want to be with me inspite of all my incapacities. She is my care-taker and my under-taker who would finally offer me my sleep...
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The Island

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Seated right between the entire world,

There it was...

Oblivious to its surroundings.

Ever evolving,

Ever changing like all others.

Yet somehow invisible to all...

Maintaining its sanctity.

That was its life...

That was its destiny.

Visitors would visit and leave...

They would always leave it untouched

Unstirred by the winds

Unscathed by the storms...

She was its bridge

Its only contact to the living...

To the other side...

To the reality (as we believe).

She had touched its soil...

Felt its waters,

Inhaled its air,

Consumed it bit by bit....

The masochistic fool was in love....

In love with a bridge,

A feeble connection to the lie outside,

The lie called reality...

Still unaware of its truth,

Unknown to its own condition.

It was an island afterall,

Destined to stay between everyone yet away from ‘em. . . . .

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☺•☺•☺•☺

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You've been around since years
but i never knew you...
Today I brought a paper to you
and there you are...
split into these beautiful words

I'm overwhelmed with these ______
struggling to keep them in..
Failing myself with every effort
I'm like an adamant kid.

I've always been so intense but
its frustrating coz i fail to understand it.
Your presence a sweet drug to me,
this simplicity intoxicates me...

You turn my abilities to rust...
Never ever have i lost such self-control
You support me at my WORST
and claim me at my BEST...

My strength is caving in
my fortress falling to dust
and i rejoice like a madman
for this "nakedness" you've brought me to....

You've hacked me in two
One reaching out to you and
the other pulling it back...
I wish I could save you from...
from this beast inside of me..
I wish I could render it harmless..
I wish I could _______
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The untouched WHORE

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I am despised by all
and yet they all come looking for me
they yearn for my presence
and I know exactly what they seek for...

I am their guide,
their friend,
their enemy and their mentor
all at once...

Their 'lust' is my playground
their misfortunes.....my allies.
Their vulnerability is my weapon
and that 'experience'.....their prize.

I am the wise one
and yet the one sold like a commodity.
My knowledge gained from vile ways
of no avail to the world
My body served to their aphrodisiac hunger.

Libidos served, and bodies exhausted...
they all leave me 'untouched'.
Every man reveals his darkness
and then comes back to me like an addict...

Their violence is all i deserve
my bruises and wounds unscathed by LOVE
Their wild beings, projected on me
I still am the "untouched" whore....
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Its FRIDAY the 13th

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Its FRIDAY the 13th...
Hail and rejoice..!!
the undertaker will soon walk on you...

Let this day be lucky for you.
as the angels are banished to hell...
the devils will serve u with rotten flesh

chaos and confusion envelope the world...
may you feel cold and gloomy in this blanket
as the world ends in a holocaust..!!

your worst fears are being realized
hail and rejoice...once again
its FRIDAY the 13th..

the good is interred with bones and flesh
seek the terror and the evil
let deceit be your king
and pain be its son..

shame sublimes as wrath becomes your weapon
let the bodies hit the purpled floor
in honour of those who treasoned...
let the DEAD hail and rejoice
its FRIDAY the 13th again...
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LOVE

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They say LOVE makes you achieve miracles.It can make you transcend your own limitations, make you feel at ease even at the most difficult of times...You reach out to people and spread it like a disease.It makes you feel euphoric..!!It works just like magic..!!

Then why is it that at times that same LOVE makes you feel scared of your own-self? Scared of the people who care for you. You run away and try to avoid them...You lie in your bed waiting for some miracle to happen....knowing the fact that it won't happen without you being there...

You want to reach out to every person you know but it STOPS you..It breaches its own boundaries and the "tables are turned".

You hate yourself for being what you are and for doing what you did but even that doesn't make you retrace your steps while you still can...

Its like a clock......ticking.....waiting and anticipating for the worst to happen....for your most feared nightmare to come true and throw your life into chaos, apathy and a prolonged GLOOM...

Its like a paranoia but somehow...it still retains its name : "LOVE" but then......Is it still LOVE that keeps you from "loving"..??
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